A child should be allowed to remain a child even if there has been a tragic loss in the family. Of course, when someone in the family dies, everyone else has to pitch in and assume some of the tasks and responsibilities that the deceased once had. However, don't make a ten-year old or even a fourteen-year-old be the "mommy" or the "man of the house". They should know that more is expected of them in terms of household chores, but they should know that it is okay to be ten or fourteen. The experience will have helped them mature a lot, anyway. Don't force it further by denying them the opportunity to still be a child.
Don't be afraid to talk about the deceased with your child,and let them share memories. Let children know that it is good to remember people after death, that we can treasure the lessons and joy they brought us for all our lives. Even the process of sharing these insights will foster a closer relationship among the survivors.