Thursday, July 21, 2016

CHILDREN AFTER FUNERAL

     A child should be allowed to remain a child even if there has been a tragic loss in the family.  Of course, when someone in the family dies, everyone else has to pitch in and assume some of the tasks and responsibilities that the deceased once had.  However, don't make a ten-year old or even a fourteen-year-old be the "mommy" or the "man of the house".  They should know that more is expected of them in terms of household chores, but they should know that it is okay to be ten or fourteen.  The experience will have helped them mature a lot, anyway.  Don't force it further by denying them the opportunity to still be a child.
     Don't be afraid to talk about the deceased with your child,and let them share memories.  Let children know that it is good to remember people after death, that we can treasure the lessons and joy they brought us for all our lives.  Even the process of sharing these insights will foster a closer relationship among the survivors.

Friday, July 8, 2016

SAY OR DO IT NOW

     Almost everyone experiences some degree or guilt when a person close to them dies.  Most guilt feelings are not based on fact, but grieving persons don't always think very clearly.  Many guilt feelings relate to things people feel they should have done or said while the loved one was alive - a promised trip, a letter unsent, a word of love left unspoken.  The feeling is that the deceased left the world unaware of those feelings or was disappointed with the grieving survivor.
     This type of guilt feeling is practically useless.  It will not bring back the deceased.  There will not be another opportunity to correct the situation.  Guilt is a wasteful expenditure of emotional energy.  However, knowing that doesn't necessarily make guilt any easier to deal with.  The lesson for us all is to do and say NOW those things that are important so that someday we won't have to be sorry for not having done and said them.