AMBIVALENT FEELINGS

     After the death of a loved one, feelings can often be ambivalent.  That is grief.  There may also be some sense of relief.  Whether the relief comes from the feelings that the loved one is no longer suffering, from not having to witness that suffering, or from not having to care for the person any longer, such reactions are human and natural.
     However, most people don't see it that way.  They feel guilty about these natural feelings.  Could they have really loved the person if one part of them feel relieved by the death?  They may blame themselves for not having done more, for having uttered some cross words, for not having been at the person's side more.
     Self-blame is a no-win deal.  No matter what miracles of caring or nurturing the bereaved may have performed for the deceased, there will ALWAYS be gaps in the record and hence room for self-doubts.  The more a survivor broods on what might have been, the worse things get psychologically.

PSYCHOSOMATIC REACTIONS

     During the period of mourning, people suffer from physical problems which could also be considered as "psychosomatic".
     Physical side effects of mourning can include a number fo possible ailments, ranging from headache attacks to asthma, fatigue, indigestion, constipation, impotency, skin rashes, shortness of breath, dizziness, weight loss, fainting spells, palpitation, tightness in the chest, loss of appetite, nausea, ect.  More serious diseases can also be linked to bereavement, especially when the bereavement is intense.
     Can anything be done about this?  It is sound policy for a person who is grieving to seek frequent medical checkups; to get extra sleep, rest, and exercise; to eat well; to maintain social contacts; and to be kind to oneself.  Remember: the grieving person IS more physically and emotionally fragile than usual.

WHAT IS HOSPICE?

     The Hospice Movement was started in 1948 at St. Christopher's Hospice in London.  A hospice can be either a separate institution or a section of a hospital where special care is provided for dying patients, ensuring that they spend their last days quietly, productively, painlessly, and lovingly attended to.
     A friendly, non -institutional atmosphere is encouraged, and nurses and doctors are dedicated to providing patient-oriented services.  In some hospices, patients live in private rooms decorated to their tastes and furnished with their own belongings; while others prefer to be in their own home.  In others, patients spend much of their time commuting back and forth between hospice and home.  In any hospice, visiting hours are open, friends and family are encouraged to come at any time, and visits from children, whatever their age, are heartily welcomed.  The goal is to make the experience of dying as serene, dignified, and supportive as possible.