WHY PRETEND?

     It should be plainly stated that there is nothing morbid or unethical about advance planning for a death of a loved one.  Some people might feel that researching local funeral homes before the person has died or drawing up lists of that needs to be done after death is ghoulish, or that it indicates an eagerness on the part of the heirs for the loved one to die sooner.
     Surely this is nonsense.  If a person is clearly dying, why pretend otherwise?  When death comes, the experience will be a difficult one, perhaps the most difficult ever encountered.  Why not cushion the shock by arming oneself ahead of time with the relevant contacts, the pertinent information, the knowledge of appropriate procedure, so that there will be less to stress and confound one during a time of truly emotional trial?  Although the effort to preplan may be difficult now, the benefits of such actions will later be heart-wrenching apparent.

WHEN HOME BECOMES LONELY

     You've paid your last respects to the deceased and offered your sympathy to the survivors.  In short, you have done what friendship and tradition dictate.  But is that enough?
     It is important to remember that the grief and loneliness of the widow, widower or the family will go on after the period of the visitation and funeral.  Suddenly, a home becomes more lonely and desolate.  This is also a good time foor you to show extra care and concern.  This can be done with a personal visit and perhaps an invitation to a social event.
     People who have had a death in the family usually need other people to help them return to the mainstream of life.  Relatives and close friends can be of inestimable help during the first few weeks and months following the funeral.  Even if the survivors are not ready to mix and mingle when you first call, don't take it personally and don't give up.  Keep in touch.  They will know when they aree ready to resume life.